Saturday, 6 June 2009


There haven't been new posts for a few days because it's been a difficult time.  My mother has been taken ill to hopsital and I've been staying at her side 24x7.  This is the first time I've been home since Tuesday and I'm knackered but will be heading back there shortly, staying until she gets out.  She's been improving a little and I'm hoping she'll be well enough to come home soon, maybe next week.  In addition to the grief and stress, I've also been feeling guilty about this obsession invading time and effort that should be dedicated to her.  I'm annoyed that this addiction is going too far because even in hospital, which is insulated from the Adam world, I was looking for a fix, which I find despicable and it appalls me.

Having said that, writing this blog has allowed me to indulge in some welcome escapism and I've realised I've enjoyed my first foray into blogging.  I do have ideas for more articles which I'll post when I have the opportunity, but in the meantime, here's an old post which I think has become increasingly relevant in light of recent pap encounters.  Thanks for your patience.


  1. Our thoughts are with you and your mother! I hope she will get better very soon!

  2. I am truly sorry to hear about your Mom. Will be keeping you & your family in my thoughts.
    Thank you so much for creating this blog. I just discovered it a few days ago & spent the entire day revisiting why, I too, am obsessed w/Adam Lambert. Having said that, I hope you don't feel too guilty about turning to Adam as a form of escapism. When you're in the midst of such a horrific time w/your family, it's okay to need an escape. It could be a lot worse (say, drugs & alcohol). I don't know the situation, but I imagine your Mom would want you to have something that makes you feel happy, rather than worrying about her all the time. The fact that you're there & moved back in w/them speaks're a terrific daughter.
    Thanks again for this blog. Take all the time you need. Take care.

  3. Sorry to hear about your mom. Keeping you both in my prayers.

  4. I hope your Mom will be better soon.

  5. Our best wishes for your mom's rapid recovery..

    We totally understand and appreciate everything you have written about this obsession with American Idol and Adam Lambert and all fan stuff..

    We love your blog, and support you in taking breaks and taking care of yourself- that is the priority always! It's difficult to not be moderate about the fan stuff, but remember that we have many years ahead to be fans of Adam's and supporters of his music.. Look for ways to balance it all..

    Be well, and we'll look forward to your postings whenever you have time in the coming weeks and months..

  6. You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for this blog. Take good care of yourself as you care for your mom.

  7. We will be here when you return. Take the time that you need and enjoy both the time that you have with your mother and the time that you take to enjoy Adam's music. I hope that things go well with your mother's recovery!

  8. I hope she recovers soon. Stay strong!

  9. so sorry to hear about your mother.
    i've enjoyed your blog immensely, and as thanks would be happy to send you a copy of the rolling stone, if you can't readily buy it in london

  10. My heartfelt thanks goes out to you for all your kind messages. I feel moved by the fact that you have reached out to me, a stranger you have never met, and given me encouragement and support through a difficult time. I'd never have expected our shared interest to have this effect.

    elizabeth, thank you - I'll first see if I can buy Rolling Stone here to save you the trouble, but I may well take you up on your kind offer!

    My mother has returned home feeling better but the future's going to be a struggle. Whenever I've adapted to the situation, I've been given a cold hard slap to jolt me out of wanting to find solace in apathy. At the moment, I'm constantly battling with myself, oscillating between frustration directed towards my mother's resigned attitude and lack of will to carry on which is crushing, and guilt for feeling that frustration because it causes me to not always be as sympathetic towards her suffering as I should. We are complete opposites with her bitterly dwelling on everything negative whereas I'm an optimist, but then again, I'm not in her situation. Unfortunately, I'm unable to neutralise enough of her negativity.

    My dark humour has told me to look on the positive side in that at least this didn't happen on the week of the final! I felt it was possible to walk away from this obsession when I first got back from hospital, shattered. The break was necessary but after a few hours, I relented and decided to give it fuel because I enjoy it. It's been a busy time for everything Adam so I'll be posting again when I've caught up. Thanks for sticking around, there's going to be lots to write about.

  11. I wish you the very best of the days ahead, and with your Mom. You seem to have great strength and I am sure that will aid you greatly down the stretch.
    This is a wonderful site, and one from which I have taken much joy and excitement, and comfort. Thank you posting everything we wanted to see, and more...
    The videos I watch constantly, and your insights are also beautifully written.
    So, thank you, and take care of yourself while you are taking care of your Mom.

  12. i hope your mother is doing better now.

    i did get an extra rolling stone, if you need it