Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Two Years


Can you believe it? This blog is now celebrating its second year which I think makes it one of the elder statesmen of Adam fan sites! Thank you all for being a part of this! Please also take a peek at my post from this time last year for a summary of everything up to then and my story of The Point of No Return.

It wouldn't be a celebration without presents now, would it? So without further ado here is my latest gift to you all, my edit of Sleepwalker from the penultimate Glam Nation concert at LA's Music Box. I had to sweat that extra bit harder, pulling out all the stops to make something worthwhile, especially since now I'll have to prise you away from the DVD.



Sleepwalker to me is about sadness, it's that pain that hollows you out and renders you numb to everything except that intense feeling of loss. It's what makes you feel that detachment from reality, a floating onlooker onto your own life. Nothing is quite real or comprehensible or possible or tangible in the way that had previously been so familiar and natural. The whole universe and everything in it has shifted and you don't want to be trapped this strange and frightening new reality but instead hope to wake up from it. That is what Sleepwalking in this song means is to me.

If I'm in despair, I'd be too weak to channel any anger and if I felt anger, it would be directed, which would keep reality in focus enough to be fully awake. This makes me curious about Adam's angry interpretation which I find it hard to reconcile with my own. He draws upon something to give us that emotion through clenched teeth, making “always there to haunt me” my favourite part of this intense performance.

I was a little more liberal than usual with the effects in this edit, primarily intending to make it into a haunting dreamscape where things aren't quite as they should be. I wanted the result to be beautiful and something you'd want to watch more than once. It's the edit which has the highest work-to-length ratio so I hope it was worth it!

Ever since hearing that first preview snippet of Sleepwalker, I have always associated it with a powerful visual cinematic element. The staging from Glam Nation is consistent with that and I think he built upon what we saw for the top two performance of MW. For Sleepwalker, he cuts a solitary world-weary figure, wearing an outfit that's part Matrix, part Final Fantasy or anime. The lonely tortured fantasy comic book superhero. That is what I wanted to capture with my attempt at artwork — Adam represented as a character who is regrettably too familiar with sacrifice but stays strong and resiliently optimistic in the face of adversity, continuing to fight. The results aren't quite as stylised or dynamic as I would have liked but I've already spent much longer than I'd care to admit on it as I'm not an artist and am new to this kind of illustration so it's another first for me.

Adam Lambert Superhero Anime Sleepwalker artwork for T-shirt

I have made two pieces using my illustration of Adam, both available as T-shirt designs (links to T-shirts at bottom of page). One is the original dark moody version with a backdrop of turbulent clouds, the other is a charity Japan version that I would like to dedicate to my Japanese friends. $5 (£3) from each shirt featuring this red design will go to the Red Cross Japan Earthquake and Tsunami appeal. Alternatively, you can donate directly to the UK Red Cross or US Red Cross sites. I decided to make this version because that's where the inspiration behind the style originated. I feel that my description of the character could also represent the qualities shown by the Japanese people in light of recent events. With the blossoms and warmer colours, I hoped it would have an uplifting and positive feel. Click to view the bigger versions. I'm afraid I've had to add a watermark as my other artwork has ended up on various pieces of tat on eBay.

Adam Lambert Superhero Anime Japan artwork for T-shirt

UPDATE: Thank you all for your support through the purchases. As promised, I have donated £3 for each item sold bearing the design towards the Japan Tsunami Appeal and will continue to do so until it ends. After that, the donations will go to the Red Cross's most pressing appeal.



This past year we have seen Adam being received by enthusiastic audiences all around the world on TV and radio promoting his album. This is where I got to see him perform live for the first time. Then came the fantastic news that he was to headline for his first ever solo tour, initially starting off as around 50 dates in the US but extending into a worldwide sell-out tour of well over 100 concerts. We were truly entertained as we followed Adam and the Glam Troupe on a virtual tour around the world, self-imposing jet-lag by getting up at or staying up until ridiculous hours. We invested in better equipment and got more tech-savvy, video quality became sharp and clear, and fandom got organised so wherever we were, we too could experience concerts in real-time with real friends through the virtual world. We were thrilled as Adam got up close and personal with Tommy and then with some lucky fans. We looked forward to all the surprises and performances of new songs, waiting with bated breath so see what the encore would bring. Some clutched pearls as he got more risqué with an on-stage spliff, others were begging for him to get even wilder.

With your help, I won one half of a pair of crystal gloves, the other half of which is in Adam's possession. I tried to get a campaign going to reunite the gloves but unfortuntely this didn't happen when I went to my second Adam concert. The year has has its fair share of controversy with AI snub-gate, pap-confronting fugly hat-gate, teen mom-gate and Gaga-gate. Almost everything he tweeted ended up trending. There was some gentle wrist-slapping whenever his followers got a bit out of hand and we enjoyed some classic rumour control tweets and twitter rants. Adam seemed to gradually gain confidence to step up to the challenge of discussing political issues, but still wanted to champion them in his own way.

We partied along with Adam to IIHY and its music video and were overjoyed at news of an acoustic EP. After such a long wait, we were relieved to finally be able to get our hands on a live CD/DVD from Glam Nation, sales of which have exceeded expectations. We got a remix of Aftermath supporting the Trevor Project, one of a number of charities supported by Adam. Well over half a million dollars has been raised for DonorsChoose.org and $320,000 for his Charity Water birthday campaign. We celebrated TV specials, news of Adam's Grammy nomination and his appearance at their social media summit.

The summary wouldn't be complete without a commentary on Adam's chameleonic looks, where shaving a side of his head hit the headlines. There was the long hair with and without goatee and let's not forget the fashion choices, the memorable ones being the Glammer trousers, glittery zebra and lace-up trousers amongst others. The year ended neatly with a return to AI as Adam works on the second album and we are left speculating over the intriguing collaborations and eager to to hear anything new.

Another year on and the Adam Lambert Effect is still very much thriving as he continues to inspire us in many ways. The contents of this post sum up where it's taken me, which is to be creative, strive for perfection and to give something back. Thank you all for being a part of this, and thank you Adam.

Adam Lambert Superhero Anime artwork Sleepwalker T-shirtAdam Lambert Superhero Anime artwork Japan T-shirt

DOWNLOAD Sleepwalker mp3 - 10.03MB
DOWNLOAD Sleepwalker iPod compatible mp4 - 29.96MB
DOWNLOAD Sleepwalker HD mp4 - 116.83MB

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

A Welcome Break


I'm going to be away until February for a much-needed break with little access to the internet so I'm afraid there won't be any blog updates or videos for a while. To keep you entertained until then though, here's a playlist of some of my best edits:



I'll leave you with some links to enjoy:

Adam Lambert Obsession:

Recommended sites from which to get your Adam fix:

It's going to be tough but at least this break is at a quiet time. I'm afraid I'll be missing Adam's birthday yet again, so please make sure you celebrate extra loudly, party extra hard and sparkle extra dazzlingly for me in my absence! Catch you in a few weeks' time. Thanks for all your support!

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

My Crystal Glove #ReuniteTheGloves!


It was a last-minute decision to enter the competition. There weren't many entries and a few ideas had been persistently swimming around in my head for a while which wouldn't stay ignored so I thought I might as well give it a shot. Well, after days of sweating it out unsure of when the count was taken, here was the news I'd been hoping for:


Suddenly the feeling of never wanting to watch it ever again and my hatred of all the pimping faded into a distant memory. I hate competing and despite feeling that whatever the outcome, I couldn't lose something that was never mine, I would still have felt disappointed because of all the hours I'd spent working out the shots and expressions for each lyric and for all the editing. A huge THANK YOU goes out to you all for watching and spreading the video to help me win it. Click on the thumbnails to get a better look::


It is a fine leather glove turned inside-out so that all the seams are on the outside. The outside is a super soft suede onto which are attached the crystals. I haven't counted how many there are in total, but on the scale of bling, it's ultra blinging. The dark heptagonal crystals are of various sizes and it looks like one of them has dropped off and a few are chipped so I'll need to be careful with that high-five. It's quite light and rather delicate, smelling of leather but strangely sweet.



I am still asking myself if I really did just do that. As if I needed one more reason to question my sanity! From that first initial thought about winning one half of Adam Lambert's pair of Swarovski crystal gloves, I'd always entertained the rather romantic ideal of reuniting them in the sparkliest high-five ever in a fairytale ending. So now that I have it, I'll make it my mission and start putting a plan into place. You might be able to help my glove meet its other half by spreading this video to Adam and his management in the hope of getting a meet and greet. Thank you!

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

One Year


This blog is now a year old (plus a few days because I've been too busy flailing-celebrating winning tickets to see Adam in Heaven) and what a year it's been. For me it's bittersweet as it will always be tainted with sadness. I'd still choose complete ignorance of Adam over the circumstances in which I ended up discovering him. I would otherwise never have watched AI and would've been dismissive of anything that came out of it. Well, we all know how that turned out. The first thing that inspired me to want to write was RoF, and it was Googling him that pushed me over the edge into alien territory and I just had to describe this curious condition that many others seem to have shared.

It all started during Adam's stint on AI where we'd been hooked and stunned by performances like RoF and MW, then outraged and disappointed with the result. We were then relieved to have gotten the gay question out of the way, thrilled when his raunchier side came out playing with mic stands and whips while we listened intently through ear-bleeding static on the live streams for 'baby', 'woman' or 'honey'. Then we waited and waited for the faintest trace of new material as TfM was released, followed by the controversial album cover, the single, then and surprisingly eclectic album. We were shocked and hurt by the fall-out following the AMAs and showed solidarity as we made our support for Adam known during various campaigns while he went through a period of reflection. He gradually rebuilt his confidence as he went about damage control and FYE was scrapped for WWFM.

We started the decade on a high with Adam's first full set at Gridlock, followed by steady promo and performances and we cheered for every TV slot he landed. Then came that momentous WLL at Indio, wresting us from the comfort of fandom right back into the maelstrom of obsession. As he embarked on his promo tour, we stayed up until stupid o'clock glued to our computer screens following him and marvelling at his codpiece/no codpiece and his overwhelmingly positive reception from passionate fans all around the world. We whooped and celebrated Adam's majestic return to Idol as it became glaringly obvious how exceptional he is as he was awarded universal praise. Which brings us to now, where I'm looking forward to seeing him perform live for the first time, waiting for a miscreant volcano to start behaving.

Adam's list of achievements for the year is impressive and here I've listed only those I believe are most significant:

Magazine covers
Sales
  • FYE Album: Gold - USA, Canada, Singapore, New Zealand
  • WWFM Single: Double platinum - Canada; Gold - USA, New Zealand
  • FYE Single: Platinum - Canada; Gold - New Zealand
Awards
This year has also brought many firsts for me, and these include:
  • Writing for an audience and maintaining a blog
  • Experiencing fandom
  • Voting for a reality show contestant
  • Joining forums, live streams and twitter to cyberstalk
  • Making videos
There is so much I have learned in the past year. Windows Movie Maker had sat on my computer unused and I just decided one day to see what I could do with it. If you look at my oldest video edits, they started off as simple replacements of audio tracks and then grew into something much more complicated as I learned how to make the most of the tools available to me. The learning hasn't only been confined to video editing but also audio and image editing, scripting and so much more about marketing and the online world which will equip me well for the future.


Much has been written about the Adam Lambert Effect by various people but right now, I think one of the things that resonates is this: In almost every one of us I believe there's a battle between who we are, who we want to be and how we want to be seen. It takes so much effort to constantly keep up every aspect of what we do in order to portray ourselves in a certain way. It may be something as simple as wanting to appear stronger than who we really are or it could be as severe as being so fearful of being disliked that we remain completely closed. Adam has reconciled the battle by making us believe we can be whoever we want by following our true selves, and that what others think is irrelevant. By laying his true self open to scrutiny to a vast audience knowing full well he'd be hated by some, he's shown that the risk can be very rewarding. We've seen his extreme transformation from Apple Pie Adam, giving us hope that we too could be as fabulous if we believed and tried. The end of the battle and ceasing to give a shit about how others see us is liberating. He makes us feel that it's OK to freely express ourselves and has given us courage, paving the way for us. The effect is much further-reaching than just temporary escapism to weird and wonderful destinations with each performance, because he has allowed many of us to feel that little bit braver and has fired our imaginations to get our dormant creativity flowing. This has led to personal growth, newfound confidence and skills, and art that in turn inspires and puts us in touch with others who share this passion. I think this is the core of the Adam Lambert Effect, and as a result, our lives have been significantly enriched.

Thank you Adam, and thank you readers.

Friday, 8 January 2010

An Inconvenience


I'm sure the speed of the passage of time is directly proportional to one's age. Time seems to have crept up on me in the Gridlock excitement and I've realised that I'm going away tomorrow for three weeks. No internet for three whole weeks! If that doesn't kill me, I'll be back blogging and finishing the Gridlock videos on my return (provided no one else has done them).

In the meantime, I'll leave you with some links to enjoy:

Adam Lambert Obsession:
http://bit.ly/4zo88D Re-live all of the AI journey including speculation, performances, reviews and articles
http://bit.ly/7Q5kSd Watch all of Adam's AI performances
http://bit.ly/6zXets Watch all of the AI group performances
http://bit.ly/5SVna4 Compare the rehearsals against the live performances
http://bit.ly/5oTa9z Read my articles
http://bit.ly/5Gqy0J Read my obsessings
http://bit.ly/57TCw8 Take the Adamometer fan test
http://bit.ly/2TK4zC Listen to the album from the Facebook stream (with lyrics)

Other sites:
http://adamholic.com/blog All the latest news and media
http://alreference.blogspot.com Facts and timeline
http://www.mr-l.org Collection of media

Communities:
Adam Without Pity
Hoopla Magnet
IDF
Planet Fierce

As tempting as it is to cancel, I'm slightly pleased that Adam Lambert doesn't quite rule my life to that extent! I know I'll be missing so much, so please enjoy all the upcoming events that little bit extra for me in my absence. I hope I'll see you back here when I return. Thank you all for visiting!

Thursday, 10 September 2009

Good Morning Star


As I sat in the hospital waiting to find out what was wrong with my mother, I was expecting a few days' stay as what had happened on previous occasions. I assumed she would be treated and feel better before being allowed to return home. With this assumption, my mind drifted towards the minor inconvenience of being interrupted just as I'd managed to get this blog all up-to-date. I wondered, as I did during the competition, about everything from the arrangement to the staging to the clothes, hair and makeup for the GMA performance. It had been a long time since I'd last had that excited feeling of anticipation and I'd miss following it in real-time. That was before I was given those devastating words that ripped me to shreds. We were in hospital for a few days but my mother never got to return home. Everything else was shot to insignificance and I turned against this obsession.

The GMA Starlight was the first performance I missed after that fateful journey to hospital and my guilt didn't allow me to watch it until a considerable time later, but here goes:

The question was always going to be how Adam would make the song work for the morning crowd as it would be an important opportunity to widen his appeal to a different audience. I correctly guessed that we would see a relatively minimalist Adam with an acoustic arrangement. His look was fairly casual but still fashion-conscious. He sounded very high at the start and there was a slight stutter, but the vocals were pure and smooth without marked losses in volume when sliding into falsetto. We got to hear some of his gorgeous grainy lower register, and also a different singing style where he added an ascending breath between notes. I don't know what the technical term for it is, but there are a couple of examples between 'will never' at 1:43 and 'not to' at 1:48. The song bobbed along merrily - albeit a little rushed - and was bright, conjuring a relaxed and happy feeling on a sunny day. This was partly achieved by the guitar slapping and the keyboard sound resembling a steelpan's, which gave it a very different vibe to the to concert version. I think it's slightly at odds with the meaning of the song lyrics though, which are more on the sombre side. I suppose Starlight is a little too heavy for the morning and needed an injection of cheer. And cheer it did for all those hungry for something new.

Friday, 4 September 2009

Moderate Fandom


Everything has changed; I feel old with a large part of me having died and with it much of the passion and enthusiasm that went into this obsession. Getting up each day is a struggle and I'm fragile like a bubble. Every time someone reaches out to me, they burst it so I can no longer keep it together and the tears pour out. My mind seems to be my worst enemy, constantly taunting me and my heart is betraying me with nothing but anguish. The violent jolt has forced me to put things into stark perspective and I've come to look at this silly obsession with coldness as I think of all the different and better ways my efforts could have been expended. Instead of being glued to this computer I could have expressed more appreciation, offered words of comfort or spent more precious time at my mother's side. But I also know that even if I'd done those things, there's always more that could have been done that I'd now be wishing for instead.

I've always been a believer that if there's nothing to enjoy, there's little point in living but this was one of those pleasures that developed into a distraction that was all-consuming, blinkering me from the important things. In times of difficulty, we return to the familiar, and despite my revulsion and wanting to walk away from it once and for all, I find myself back here. Instead of escapism towards fun and excitement though, I come here to be anaesthetised. Maybe that's what this was about all along; I'd already started grieving long before I began this blog.

I feel like I'm over this obsession but have decided to finish covering the tour, probably in a reduced and mechanical capacity as I'm so far behind and feel little inspiration or desire to write. Expect a video collection for each stop and a finished video edit that I was in the middle of doing. Perhaps there'll be a few more tour videos if I get back into the flow of things and find my feet again, so let's see how things go.

Thank you all for reaching out to me with your kind support and patience through this most painful time. You have given me strength for which I am grateful.

Thursday, 13 August 2009

When the World Turned its Back


I hate you world. Your summer sun turned to ice in the vast bleak sky, its rays jagged icicles impaling and lacerating the essence of my being through my every shivering pore, bleeding me cold. Then turning on your stifling oppressive heat you sucked away my air before reaching out to strangle me. You sliced off the pit of my stomach, crushed my pressured head then pounded at what remained of my heart, blow after blow after blow. My ears can hear but have stopped listening, my ruptured eyes are open but no longer see. Why is it that I can still feel anguish with what little remains? A quivering voice among many, I pleaded with you to let the sun return to the East just this once, to let the rivers trickle upstream just this once, to bring back spring just this once, to allow painful words to be unheard just this once, to undo the suffering just this once. But you laughed in our faces, tormenting us as we watched the rest of the world enjoy the warm summer sunshine denied to us. I am damaged beyond repair, a wilted flower neither living nor dead but just existing in that lost space, perpetually reliving the despair, trapped between desperately trying to claw back the dawn and waiting an eternity for a never-approaching tomorrow. You cruelly give and take life as if playing a light-hearted game. I hate you for the pain you inflicted and for forcing us apart. We weren't ready to say goodbye. World, you are dead to me.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Hiatus


There haven't been new posts for a few days because it's been a difficult time.  My mother has been taken ill to hopsital and I've been staying at her side 24x7.  This is the first time I've been home since Tuesday and I'm knackered but will be heading back there shortly, staying until she gets out.  She's been improving a little and I'm hoping she'll be well enough to come home soon, maybe next week.  In addition to the grief and stress, I've also been feeling guilty about this obsession invading time and effort that should be dedicated to her.  I'm annoyed that this addiction is going too far because even in hospital, which is insulated from the Adam world, I was looking for a fix, which I find despicable and it appalls me.

Having said that, writing this blog has allowed me to indulge in some welcome escapism and I've realised I've enjoyed my first foray into blogging.  I do have ideas for more articles which I'll post when I have the opportunity, but in the meantime, here's an old post which I think has become increasingly relevant in light of recent pap encounters.  Thanks for your patience.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Introducing the Author


I have never been a fan of reality TV and wouldn't consider myself a fan of TV talent shows. In fact, I would accuse myself of being a bit of a snob when it comes to music and have rarely cared for the commercial drivel that's in the pop charts, which seem to be a parade of uninspiring ballads, teenybopper acts and mediocre bands. It's all been done before and much better. As far as I'm concerned, there's been little or no excitement in the world of pop music and nothing really original since the 80s. The 90s was all about the re-hashing, re-doing and re-mixing of the previous generations' genres and the noughties, with some exceptions, seem to be going like that as well. Of course, there have been plenty of exciting alternative movements, especially in dance, that sometimes penetrate the mainstream but there has been nothing massive. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would strongly disagree with me on this one though.

My life a number of years ago was London, and I spent most of my money and time going out, socialising, partying and chasing fun and excitement. I hardly ever watched TV. I used to go clubbing a lot, I loved dancing and often ended up at hip-hop, drum'n'bass, latin, blues, funk, and reggae nights. I was never a big fan of house, trance or techno. The whole social scene has changed though and I believe the era of clubbing is dead. Is it the lack of quality music to dance to? Are we just tired of the often obscene prices of going clubbing? Or is it just because my peer group and I are getting old (we've reached 30) and tired of it all? Big clubs were closing down well before the credit crunch era and people switched to going to bars instead. Now people are just staying in.

I felt that I was getting London fatigue, and so were my friends, so I decided to leave the country to do some travelling. Thinking of Samuel Johnson, I didn't want to feel tired of life. So I quit everything then upped and left by myself. It was a great experience. I was away for a year and a half but my travels were painfully cut short because of my mother's health so I had to return.

My mother is heartbreakingly slipping further away each day. I've moved back in with my parents to help out and give support. As a result, I've not gone looking for work and have hardly been out or seen my friends.  I've been in this stasis for many months now and between grief and comtemplating what to do next with my life, spend more time than I've ever done in front of the TV. In fact my schedule these days almost revolves around what's on TV. There are things that I watch out of habit rather than actual enjoyment, such as Neighbours and entertainment shows such as The X Factor and the latest series of Heroes. I ended up watching the X Factor by wanting to see if I was any good at spotting talent.  I spotted the talent of Alexandra Burke in the group stage with her rendition of 'The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", which moved me and I thought she'd win it on that performance.  She was the eventual winner and rightly so, even though she was proper ditzy.

After a brief hiatus of talent shows, along came American Idol and I was hit by the outstanding talent of Adam Lambert. The seeds of this blog were planted and gradually, I was hooked and fiercely reeled into the phenomenon that is Adam Lambert.