Tuesday 21 April 2009

Swallowed into the Vortex of Obsession


Despite the fact that I'd watched the Mad World performance on TV, the repeats, and the +1 channel repeats, I still wanted to see more, so I decided to try to watch it on the channel online.  It wasn't available on the ITV2 website so I decided to Google him.

WHOOOOOOSH!

That was it, the point of no return.  I had been snatched from where I was sitting, and sucked deep into the Adam Lambert phenomenon.  The first things I saw were stories about the standing ovation, questions about his sexuality and an almost endless array of videos.

I saw the pictures of him kissing a guy and contrary to my usual instinct of being a little turned off, I found them so HOT!  I didn't care that he was kissing a guy.  He looked intense and passionate, and I could only wish I was on the receiving end of those kisses, sharing those intimate moments with him.  I saw other photos of him looking androgynous, in fancy dress, glammed up, in drag, in very little, and he just looked beautiful.  I couldn't help but admire him for having the gall to boldly and unapologetically do that.  His makeup was always exquisitely done, his hair and costumes dazzling, and photoshoots both stunning and alluring.

I started going through the abundance of videos and was astounded by his talent and moved by his performances.  I was glued to my computer watching every single video and ended up getting very little sleep.  What sleep I did have was invaded by thoughts of Adam.  My waking thoughts the next day were intruded upon by Adam and I realised I'd got sucked deep into the vortex of obsession.  My days were filled with finding out everything about Adam and I felt ashamed to have been turned into a cyberstalker.  I looked up his MySpace and Facebook pages, even decided to add him as a friend, knowing — but hoping otherwise — that it was a fake.  I started lurking around forums and fan sites, reading every news article about him and regularly checking Google for anything new.  I read reviews of his performances, re-watched old performances, dug out videos of television features, listened to audio snippets, read interviews by people who knew him, read his brother's blog and even looked up the recipient of his affection from the photos.  I wholeheartedly submitted to my obsession and continued to feed and indulge in it.  I've lost count of how many Adam related sites have made it into my bookmarks.  I wondered how far it would go and whether my obsession would reach a saturation point after which I would get Adam fatigue and be cured.  Not that I really wanted to be cured yet - I was reassured by many others on the internet that I was not alone in this insanity and therefore didn't feel an immediate urge to get a grip.

That's the thing with the internet - you can feel so superficially close to someone, know every detail about them but really be oceans apart.  You can contact them, read things they've written, see photos and videos of them but know in real life you're unlikely to ever meet them and even if you do, they may never live up to the pedestal you've put them on.  It's a compulsive resource of almost unlimited information.

I found it hard to reconcile my irrational behaviour with my usual logical and level-headed self.  What is it about Adam Lambert that is so compelling?  What is it about him that sends people to the edge of insanity in their idol worship and to veer so far off the path of rationality?

First we have to look at the person we think we see.  The performer who is extremely talented, focussed, professional, bold, flamboyant, self-assured, eloquent and charismatic.  All these are admirable qualities.  Then we have, in contrast to his performance persona, his alter ego of being a very humble, articulate, vulnerable, sweet, caring, charming, sensitive and funny guy who we want to hug and fiercely protect.  We all want to know him and want to be his friend.  Then there are his ever-changing looks.  He styles himself well and with attitude, regularly changing and refusing to conform to any particular stereotype.  He is not classically handsome but there's a certain mysterious charm and intensity about his expression, especially in his bright blue eyes.  He has a heartwarming smile and a cute laugh.  And there's the whole sexual aura about him.  Whatever his orientation, there's no denying that he makes some people feel a little uncomfortable because he strongly exudes a passionate sexuality and is desired by gay, straight and bi men and women alike.  Whatever part of him we see, we can all admire the fact that he always seems uncompromisingly himself, daring to be different and wearing it all on his sleeve.  We would all like to be a bit more like him but most of us lack the talent and the guts.

Then there's the timing.  In 2009, there's a sea change in world order and our attitudes.  We are all interdependent and there's a new optimism with the election of Obama of how Americans are perceived.  People have been preparing for change and are more ready to embrace what's different.  With global finances in turmoil and recession-hit people struggling by to hold onto their homes, people need fresh hope.  We're ready for something fresh and new.  Adam Lambert in many ways embodies the American dream.  He has paid his dues working in plenty of dead-end jobs and had struggled for many years to break out as an artist and not quite managing to get there.  In those years, he continuously developed and honed his skills, whilst embarking on a journey of experimentation and self-discovery in order to get to where he is today.  He's spoken of a mid-to-late 20s crisis that many of us can identify with, (I certainly can, and that's when I decided to up and leave) of being shit-is-this-all-the-fuck-there-is-for-the-rest-of-my-life disillusioned with ourselves, our routines, lifestyle and future prospects.  We respect him because he decided to chase the dream while many of ours are left forgotten and disintegrating at the back of the sofa.

And there's the music.  It seems that his music preferences span so many genres and generations.  As an artist he has enough talent to be able to seamlessly span and move between the different genres, giving him broad appeal.  His fans cross subcultures from glam rockers to hippies to indie kids to the musical theatre crowd to the club scene, which include teenagers, grannies, and anyone in between.  There are also those that are staunch adversaries against the commercial drivel that is American Idol, but who have been converted into avid fans, such is his appeal.  He has increased the audience, injecting credibility into the AI machine, and seems firmly in control.  He's the most exciting, talented and dynamic artist to have entered into the mainstream consciousness in a long time, and we're going along for the ride because we want to be thrilled by the adventure he'll take us on.

Finally, there's the 'It' factor.  It's a bit of cliché, but he has it in droves.  He truly has superstar quality that no words are quite able to capture or define.  It's what's driven me to create this blog and left me bewildered as to how the hell I got here.

26 comments:

  1. Well, I was thinking of doing posts in my own blog to release some of my Adam obsession (since I'm sure my non-Adam-obsessed friends are tired of hearing about it), but then I found yours. Your thoughts are nearly identical to my own about discovering Adam and becoming crazy for him. And not in the "omg I want to marry him" kind of crazy for him, but the "omg he has amazing talent and I can't stop watching/listening" way.

    I grew to despise American Idol and mostly cannot stand to listen to mainstream pop music, so Adam is the only reason keeping me tuned in to Idol every week. I think I'm even going to the cheesy tour (first time ever, and maybe 2 different shows) just to get a little bit of live Adam. As much as I love to see Adam on my tv every week, I'm kind of looking forward to the show ending so I can get back with my life. :)

    Thanks for the blog!

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  2. You are reading my mind. I can't even find a word in your entire blog that contradicts with what I feel or think about Adam.

    The only difference is that I started my obsessive Internet research right after the "Black and White". And I wrote a post in my livejournal asking my friends to take a close look at the phenomenally talented artist I am literally crazy about.

    Thank you so much for you blog!

    P.S. I am Russian, and I live in Kazakhstan. But I guess Adam's charm works equally perfect on any kind of people :)))

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  3. Welcome Anonymous, and thanks for reading. I think Googling him is the point of no return when we step off the precipice! It seriously needs to come with a warning.

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  4. Adam Bombed, I kind of did the same thing after he sang No satisfaction. I was attracted to him then, but was hooked when I saw his performances at Upright Cabaret. The techniques, the vocal range and his raw emotions were so powerful. I found myself tearing up in the end of Come Home.

    From then on, I was searching him like crazy on youtube. I checked out MasterClass Lady, the vocal coach's comment on his AI performance every week. I want more.

    Yes, I saw those pic when I googled him too. The first two thoughts were: 1.Oh, that was the same guy in all these pic. 2.From the way they were looking at each other, they were in love. Yes, that was what I saw. Their eyes only have each others. How lovely! Ain't we all looking for something like that?

    And yes, if this is really a "singing comeptition", it shouldn't matter. But sadly, this is just a game show.

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  5. What are you doing inside my head? While you're in there, help yourslef to a beer, okay?

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  6. Coming back from the doctor, with two additional Panadol for my headache, I start to have a clearer picture now.

    Why are we so drawn to Adam Lambert? What are we really obsessing? What do we actually get inspired by, someone who is million miles away from us? It must be originated from ourselves that WE want to be inspired, obsessed, or just simply hearing ourselves out. While animals make decision based on their instincts, we often choose to rely completely on our brain. The brain is responsible for telling ourselves not to eat, not to sleep, control our emotional and etc. While the body constantly remind ourselves to sleep, we choose to ignore. These go the same with our other needs.

    It is not until the exposure of Adam Lambert, and that include his attitude, his boldness and his lifestyle, which strike us as otherwise. As Adam said earlier on, he might be just giving us a big kick on reminding ourselves to be comfortable in our own skin. Truly we have heard these many times before. The only different is that, this time we choose to listen.

    Life isn't really as complicate as we might think. When our souls are striking for help, the universe listen and give us guidance. This guidance is not from outside. Rather, it is from within.

    Back to the track so what do I really get inspired by Adam and his friends. I only got four things on my head. Being comfortable in your own skin, one love one community, expressive and eye contact. I admit the later two are rather strange. But why hide it, if this is what I really feel.

    Enough said. It's time to bury under books and make it through this Saturday. I have been preparing for this way too long. It deserves a closure. A good one I hope.

    p.s. I am very happy to bump into this blog via Adam Lambert. Adam Bombed, you are a very intelligent and talented writer. Take care.
    ~k65535
    ooo ooo

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  7. Dear obsessed one! I wonder just how many people have had the same (love ray zapping)experience. It must be a massive amount by all accounts! Similar heartfelt declarations are everywhere. Somehow this Adam Vibe feels IMPORTANT. Something is definitely up!Do certain people possess a dormant gene or something, just waiting for re ignition? damn.. that sounds crazy. I,personally feel rejuvenated, in all aspects of my life??!WTF!!People notice the difference It happened so FAST. When he threatened Kara's ring with his teeth, I thought..ohh oh...
    I have so much that I could express, but it would just dissolve into a puddle of mush..and the truth is, you ALREADY KNOW anything I could possibly try to convey..
    With that, I blow a kiss to all the others like myself. I'm so freakin hot these days, I can hardly stand myself:)))Thanks baby boy, I love you...

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  8. Footnote to above post:
    Word of caution: I've noticed, my daydreaming has increased dramatically. I've missed exits while driving, run into people with my cart,and generally stopped paying attention to things not Adam-ish.
    Soo.. the end result is.. although I'm incredibly ravishing these days (a good thing), I'm also a bit dinghy... I'll take it though:))

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  9. I had to laugh at the end of Sarah's comment about being glad when AI would be over so she could get back to her life. It has been a year after Idol and it has only amped up with photoshoots, interviews, Twitter, Idol tour, and now the Glam Nation tour. Idol was only the beginning of my life 'with' Adam.

    My obsession started with RoF and having to watch his previous Idol performances. That led to googling him to learn more about him, to see what others were saying, to see any of his pre-Idol performances, to actually watching Idol on purpose and still I want more.

    I have had the good luck to attend two of the venues of Adam's Glam Nation tour and want to go to many more. Lambosesed, you said it so right when you gave the myriad of qualities about Adam that draw us in. Adam is multi-dementional and talented. Adam is an entertainer.

    ezrasace

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  10. I could not have said it better myself. The one comment I would add .... Many of us have listen to Adam talk about his journey to self discovery and have now embarked on our own, due in part to being inspired by him. He has inspired many people, myself included, to be who we are and not live by the "just be like everyone else rule". Myself, he woke me up, and I can never repay him enough for that. Sue Miller

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  11. I am SOOO happy that I found this site. All the comments I have read here is EXACTLY how I FEEL!!! I did not watch Adam in AI because I never really watched Idol. The first time I saw and heard him was on the Ellen DeGeneres show--he sang WWFM and I was HOOKED. I am OBSESSED to the MAX--I am like you and want to be friends with him--I can't get enough of him!!! I saw him in Hollywood FL at the Hard Rock and it was AMAZING!!!! Next time he tours and comes to Florida--I will see him and I will do the Meet & Greet. Also, my non-Glambert friends also give me strange looks because I am ALWAYS talking about him. I went out and got BOTH of his tattoos--my FIRST tattoo was the Eye of Horus!!!
    I LOVE how he displays his sexuality and I LOVE how his Glambuldge looks when he is on stage or in certain outfits he wears. I'm not sure who said it above about his looks--I think he is GORGEOUS!!!! The way I seem him is that he is GORGEGOUS, SEXY, MULTI-TALENTED, EXTREMELY WONDERFUL singer--his vocal range is UNBELIEVABLE--I just LOVE HIM!!!!!!! He is on vacation now between his Singapore and Japan concerts and I feel like I am having withdrawals because I haven't anything about him in a few days!!!!!! I agree with ALLLLL of you--he woke something up in me and it makes me happy. I honestly hope and pray that he finds the LOVE of his life some day SOON--he deserves a VERY SPECIAL MAN in his life because he is SOOOOOOO SPECIAL!!!!!!

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  12. Sue Miller, thanks for your comment, I agree - there are so many of us who have been inspired by him and even after a year and a half, are continuing to develop and grow. I'm glad you are enjoying yourself much more because of him. I wrote a little about how Adam has affected us in this post which you might find to be of interest.

    Anonymous, it looks like you've truly been swallowed up too! And I'm thrilled you also seem to have been awakened. Welcome to this world - I look forward to your enthusiastic comments!

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  13. Every word is just as true 2 1/2 years later, post GlamNation, waiting for Era 2.

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  14. Mtnwomanbc, is yours a similar story? I feel like a kid right now asking "Are we there yet?" every few minutes for this new album!

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  15. Reading this took me back 3 years. Everything you say rings true, and even now I am overwhelmed by my obsession. There is no escape, no cure. Thank you for this site and all the work you do here. I don't say it often enough - thank you thank you thank you thank you tha....

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    1. deidreinthesky, it's a pleasure. 3 years on and I hardly feel any different, still insatiable!

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  16. Thanks to your blog we discover that our obsession is shared by a lot of people,weird as it may sound.Mine started only last year
    and I hoped (like Sarah did)I could get back to my life again,but now I see for your comments that won´t be possible.That ¨something¨we see in him goes beyond his singing,dancing or beauty;he can definitely change the way we see certain things.
    Thank you for your blog!!!

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    1. Stella Centurion, a warm welcome to this madness! Feel free to share your story of how you discovered Adam, it's always fun and interesting to hear!

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  17. Every single word you said here 3 years ago holds absolutely true today. Increadible insight. Thank you for this amazing blog and for everything you do!

    Tatiana

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    1. Tatiana, it's a pleasure and thank you for all your support!

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  18. Thank you! You have just described everything I have and am experiencing and everything I feel about this beautiful creature!

    Is he even real? I have yet to find out for myself. I have not yet touched him or had the opportunity to look directly into those eyes and have them connect with mine. This is my obsession...I must know if he is real or if he is an angel sent here from another place.

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    1. MomTerryLady, if you have the opportunity, make sure you see him in concert. He doesn't seem to exist on the same plane as us mere mortals though!

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  19. i believe we have a pandemic on our hands...

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    1. Indeed! I think the new album will make him a worldwide phenomenon.

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  21. It's 2016, almost December. I just remember those magical years of 2009-12. And saw your post, read again. Memories.. Gosh..

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