Test: How Big an Adam Fan Are You?

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After the information onslaught of Adam's homecoming, here's a bit of light-hearted fun to keep up the good spirits while we wait for Tuesday to arrive.  Feel free to leave a comment about your test results.  There are fifteen questions in total.

1. What did you think of Adam's decision to choose a group in the results show?

He was arrogant for believing himself to be in the top group

He should have refused to choose

I felt so sorry for him, I just wanted to give him hug and murder the producers

It was a no-win situation but I think he made a good decision

2. What did you think of Adam's glory note on Feeling Good?

I thought it was impressive, but just a little bit too long

It was just unnecessary showboating and didn't sound that good

Incredible!  I almost fainted I held my breath for so long!

I had to change the channel

3. How many of Adam's songs and videos have you bought from iTunes?

I've got everything on repeat, I can't stop watching the iTunes videos for their better angles

I haven't listened to nor do I intend to buy any

I haven't bought any yet but I've listened to them online

I've bought some of the songs although there are some I'm not so keen on

4. Which of these most accurately reflects how you feel about Adam's performances?

Good or bad, Adam's performances are always interesting

I look forward to the show just to see what Adam does next

I wish for the weekends to hurry up and go quickly.  Is it Tuesday yet?  Is it Tuesday yet?

I can't stand watching Adam, his screeching and his theatrics, they're way too OTT

5. What do you think of Adam's dancing ability?

He's got some great moves there

He makes me cringe - I much prefer Danny's moves

He's had plenty of stage training so there's no excuse for him not to be good

Adamazing!  He's got rhythm, moves fluidly and could easily be a professional dancer

6. What do you think when you see this picture?

He looks so beautiful, I wish he'd do my makeup

Eeeew! (Averts eyes)

I feel very uncomfortable because strangely, it turns me on

It's so HOT!  I wish he'd pucker up and plant one on me instead!

7. Have you seen any videos of Adam's pre-Idol performances?

I have a virtual PhD on the subject matter after having spent days studying each one in detail

I've been told about them but haven't seen them yet

I have no desire to hear any of his screeching or see his camp theatrics

I've seen some of the YouTube ones and I'm pretty impressed

8. What did you think of Ring Of Fire?

I wasn't sure at first, but after seeing it again, I think it's great

Hated it.  He butchered a classic song and the visuals were repulsive

I can respect the risk he took, but I just didn't like it

Loved it!  A pivotal TV moment.  He set the show alight and those vocals were amazing

9. Which look of Adam's would you like to see next?

Zodiac show Glambert

I've had enough of him already.  Get him off the show!

I don't care, he looks the part in all his different guises.  Just give me more Adam!

Smart suited / Natural Adam

10. Why you think Adam chose not to take part in the food fight?

He's too much of of a wuss

He didn't want to mess up his hair, makeup and clothes

Out of respect for the starving and the poor cleaners by refusing to act like a spoilt brat

He spent effort making the cake so didn't want to see it going to waste

11. Which statement best describes how you vote?

I've thrown in a few votes for Adam most weeks

I haven't voted

I've only voted for the other contestants

I suffer from RSI after pressing buttons for two whole hours every week power voting for Adam

12. What do you think about the comparisons to greats such as Freddie Mercury and Elvis?

It's early days still, so we'll have to see what he does after the show finishes

He's channelling them like he's their reincarnation!

He hasn't even started yet.  He has the potential to surpass them all!

It's sacrilegious you could even mention him in the same sentence as those greats!

13. What did you think of Adam singing about sex with a woman in Whole Lotta Love?

He gave a great performance staying true to the song, and was very convincing

It took balls!  He was on fire and I'd gladly become whatever gender necessary to be his sex slave!

It was a bit like watching drag with him trying to sing like a woman - terribly camp and phony

It seemed a bit disingenuous to me.  It would've been hilarious if he'd sung 'man' instead.

14. What do you think of Adam as an artist?

By using others' arrangements, he's shown no originality and I don't like where he's going with his music

He's very talented and he's able to put his own stamp on each song he does

I like some of his AI interpretations but they're hardly artistry.  I'll have to see what he does post-AI

He's so innovative having given us groundbreaking performances.  He has the ability to change the face of music

15. How do you feel about Adam winning American Idol?

He deserves to win more than anyone else and I really want him to win because he wants it

I don't think it matters because he's famous now anyway

I'd prefer him not to win because he won't be free to experiment with his far-out stuff

I hate the fact that he's managed to make it this far and has edged out worthier contestants

How did you score?

Under 50
Oh dear.  You seem to have stumbled into the wrong place.  You are an Adam basher.  You can't understand what all the fuss is about and are sick of hearing about Adam.  You can't stand the timbre of Adam's voice and think he screeches all the time just to show off.  You hate the way he struts about on stage, you hate his make-up and the clothes he wears, and you think he's just too much of a misfit.  You don't think he should be a role model because you'd hate for your kids to look up to him or end up looking like him.  You think he's an attention-seeking exhibitionist, which makes you nauseous.  You think he's a fake and everything about him, especially the niceness, is all just an act.  You hate the fact that he's been pimped from the start with the judges drooling all over him, and it's unfair that the only time he's had the death spot is also when he's had the pimp spot.  You are glad that he finally faced a bit of a backlash by ending up in the bottom two.  Your opinion of him won't be swayed because you've made up your mind to be a Danny fan.
Or you're just in complete DENIAL and don't know it yet!

Between 50 and 120
You're a Glam rookie.  The chances are you're fairly new to the Adam Lambert Phenomenon.  You've been recommended some of the performances by friends and decided to tune in more to see what all the fuss is about.  You're a bit of a cynic and don't usually bother watching American Idol for all the commercial crap that keeps getting regurgitated out of it.  You want to resist liking anything from AI out of principle.  You probably don't like the sound of his high belts which you think is just unpleasant screeching, and are more likey to go for his fresh takes on the slow and emotional numbers.  Although you don't like everything he does and think he's a bit of a poser, you still find him entertaining and will probably finish watching the rest of the season.  You're sceptical about him living up to all the hype and feel he's a bit overrated but you're still ambivalent as the jury hasn't returned.  The Glambert spell has yet to take hold.  Try Googling the man, open Pandora's box and you'll be sucked in.  Just you wait!

Between 120 and 175
You're a proto-obsessive, exhibiting mild signs of Lambertolism with plenty of Glam potential.  You've been following Adam Lambert through American Idol.   You rate his performances, especially Ring of Fire and Mad World, and are impressed by the talent and gall of this man.  You hope he doesn't sell out because you love the fact that he's somewhat subversive.  You want to see more of his crazily out-there performances.  You think he deserves to win because he's the most talented and entertaining contestant on AI and you would probably buy his music and go to his concerts.  You think he'd be fun to hang out with.  You've talked about him with friends but are a bit scared of some of the rabid screaming fans you've heard about and don't want to end up like them.  You're compelled to watch Adam on AI but will feel relieved when the season finishes.  You see yourself as being quite level-headed in your appreciation of this artist but don't quite realise how close you are to teetering on the edge of the platform and stepping onto the Glambert Express.  Don't bother resisting any more!  Just indulge and embrace the Glam!

175 and over
You're a diehard Lambosessed Adamaniac!  Normally it's time to call the people in white coats and put you in a straight-jacket because you're in crazed stalker territory.  You are firmly seated on the Glambert Express and have joined the huge congregation at the Temple of Glam.  Your heart leaps at the mere mention of his name and he dominates all your free time.  You've joined many online forums just so you can gush about him.  You suffer severe withdrawal symptoms after every Wednesday night so you check regularly for new Adam-related news/photos/videos and may have set up a Google alert.  Your bookmarks are bursting at the seams with Adam-related websites.  You've even cyberstalked his friends and family you're so envious of them.  You know each mentor session, performance, confessional and comment off by heart.  You notice every detail of his actions. You get excited and your heart palpitates each time he or smiles or scratches behind his ear, with every movement, even swearing, being regarded as 'adorable'.  You are fiercely protective of him and would love to be his best friend, dressing up and going to parties together.  You attribute gallant motives to everything he does and think he's the most humble, thoughtful, articulate and intelligent person ever.  He could mutilate and dismember a kitten in front of a child and in your insanely sick warped mind, you'd justify it because the child needed to be taught a harsh lesson and the kitten was somehow guilty of crimes against humanity.  Plus he'd look cute doing it.  You are consumed by your disturbing obsession.  Welcome!  You are in good company.

Disclaimer: This blogger accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of this skanky test, which is based entirely on scientific bullshit and conceived out of insanity.